weatherby as lincoln: a grandmother's hallucination?

let me start off by saying that people who type in all lower case (besides pronouns) are of higher intelligence than those who do not, with the sole exception of me.

my grandmother once told me that our family is related to Abraham Lincoln, through the Branch family on her mother's side, and so on and so forth, from him to me, just like that. i've wanted to believe her since i was a young child, and repeated this fact over and over again whenever the name was brought up; mostly i got strange looks and passive nods. i kept vocalizing the idea thinking, well, i'm tall enough, and (later) i could probably do a great Lincoln on halloween. and why shouldn't anyone believe me?

***

i first began to realize the ridiculousness of my claim when my grandmother passed away. when they cleared out her belongings and effects from her room, they found in a clothes hamper underneath a few dirty shirts a terrifying stash of empty pill bottles marked with her name and the name of a powerful mood enhancer known to cause hallucinations in some users. no one knows how or why she had the prescription for so long, but some things began to come clear to me.

***

on my 17th birthday she kept me on the phone for 30 minutes telling me that i should be a doctor, insisting that the only people in my family worth spitting on were doctors and that i should probably study science in college instead of English. i am terrible in all sciences, always have been, and kept telling her that i've wanted to study English since i started reading. she acknowledged the sound of my voice, but did not hear what i said... that same year my cousin was busted in his trailer with a meth lab and 2 kilos of weed (and a wife and child) and she called the FBI in to investigate saying "He was set up!" thankfully for him they never came... and on a regular basis she called a line at the white house to let the president know about the poor job he was doing; i'm assuming she was never patched through to the oval office.

***

i can't really appreciate my grandmother. i don't feel ashamed for thinking it, but it doesn't rest so easily on my conscience that i'm not a bit ashamed for saying it. she was a strange woman, a self-purported adventurer and traveler, but also an outspoken racist with no real awareness of the hurt her offhand n-words could cause. she was by accent a deep south racist, though she hailed from Ohio and had a short list of entertainers and intellectuals she classified as "the good ones." once on a trip to Washington, D.C. she made my grandfather smear mud on their Mississippi license plates so no one would be able to see the markings of the deep south on their vehicle and smash their windows. i see now that she was embarrassed more than anything; for most of her married life she lived on a street called Plantation Blvd. that was long before i was born. by the time i was old enough to realize what she was, the staunch racism surrounding her mixed with the sticky Mississippi summers and chased with a bottle of pills must have boiled her brains pretty good.

***

i don't know why anyone does anything, or how people's beliefs and convictions are shaped and held on to, or what makes one idea better than another. and today, after photoshopping my face onto a pic of old Abe, thinking about my crazy grandmother again, and writing this blog, i realize that i will never truly know those things about myself either. i'm okay with that. as far as being related to the Gettysburg addresser, who cares if it's not true? i am tall enough, and if it will make mimi's troubled soul rest any easier i'll keep believing no matter how dumb it makes me.

also, my face fit eerily well on Abe's, and that's pretty damn cool.

news 3.16.2012

i'm keeping this one short.  busy day at work today.

george clooney is a good dude in my book.  but i'm sure when he "got arrested" today the cops dropped him off a the airport so he could catch a plane back to LA.  maybe that didn't happen, but i'm sure he's not going to get into any real trouble.  he can pay a fine with ease.

the Kegs & Eggs on DC101 sounded like ass.  worst sound mix ever.  i don't even think they were streaming the mix from the mixing board, i think it was just coming through elliott's mic.

the whole "coolest thing ever" contest by 98 Rock is pretty awful.  a few of the things i heard were "sluts vs. burning stuff" and "single mothers vs. [something meaningless]."  pretty sexist, chauvinistic, and awful.  oh well, what can you expect from a leprechaun, an ogress, and their moronic fans.

my take on today's news: 3.15.2012

i got some news today..

RE: the Kony video is getting flak from Ugandans--

i'm not sure who i agree with on this one.  i haven't seen the video, but i don't really think that matters.  if Ugandans themselves don't like the idea of the video, a logical reaction to that would be to side with them because they are the ones in the middle of it.  but i also know that being so close to something can skew your perception of it, especially if your already inclined to dislike Americans and their meddling ways (see: the rest of the world).  spreading the word about this asshole is all well and good, but i have to agree that selling t-shirts and bracelets with Kony's likeness on it is pretty messed up.  it is exactly like Africans selling t-shirts with Bin Laden's face on it (their words, not mine).  so in conclusion, the intention of the video is fine, but stop selling the merch guys.

RE: HBO's "Luck" is going off the air--

wow, who is surprised by that one?  Nick Nolte can barely speak, horse racing is a joke, and the seedy underbelly of that part of society is hardly as scandalous as the show would make it out to be.

RE: Motley Crue is touring with KISS this summer--

if you're into that sort of thing, i feel sorry for you and the people around you.

RE: David Lee Roth stopped a concert to yell at some dudes for fighting--

see the comment directly above.

RE: REM's guitarist may sing on his new solo album and only release it on vinyl--

i.. hope the album is decent, but i will never hear it because i'm not buying an expensive record by someone whose former band's music i only moderately like.

----------

yup.  that's it.

-craig

my take on today's news: 3.14.2012 (98 rock morning show rant)

happy pi day!

i didn't hear too much news this morning.  i heard something that i was going to make fun of, but now i don't remember.

oh, i DID hear 98 rock talking about Billy Corgan's interview at SXSW when he basically said alternative rock music sucks right now and that people need to focus more on writing good albums instead of shoving out a single every few months.  anyway, as usual, 98 rock misquoted something BC said.  josh spiegel said one of the points BC made was that you can "light yourself on fire" to become popular "on YouTube."  that's actually the exact opposite of what he said.  he said you can't light yourself on fire or get drunk and jump around anymore, because people aren't buying it.  it's a schtick and won't last.  but in Josh's defense, he didn't write out the quote (and he's a huge SP fan).

Mickey started getting all whiny and saying BC is a douche, he's bitter, blah blah blah.  he asked Amelia to name 3 SP songs and she named like 6.  i mean yeah, BC says things that are hard to swallow coming from someone who saw success in the 90s and now can't write a hit to save his life.  it's easy to say "he's just bitter because he's not relevant anymore."  it's also easy to demonize anyone who says anything negative about the perfect little society we live in.  but the rest of the DJs stuck up for little Billy, which i was pretty happy about.  and Mickey, as douchey as Billy Corgan can sometimes be, he, like you, is a decent human being who has strong opinions on the thing he cares about most.  i thought the interview was insightful, and kind of a kick in the ass to people like me who want to make music for a living.

i generally don't have a problem with the 98 rock morning crew (i like them as much as one can like morning radio DJs), but please guys, please stop saying things that aren't true.  a few weeks ago Amelia was talking about Golden West Cafe in Hampden and said and hipsters suck blah blah blah, she liked some dish though, and that it's closed on Mondays.  well the dish she likes isn't on the menu, and it's definitely open on Mondays (and everyone sucks, not just hipsters).  i mean talk smack about a place you actually go to, but if you haven't been there for 5 years you might want to check up on your facts.

it may sound nitpicky of me, but they say things that are wrong a LOT.  once in a while would be fine, but if you're going to fill the generally-ignorant masses with information every morning that they will no doubt adopt as gospel, you should make sure it's the truth.

also, Bosley rules.

my take on today's news: 3.13.2012

i don't have ALL the news, only the stories that i heard on the radio on the way in to work this morning..

RE: the 9 year old that got tased--

the "kid" was between 5'5" and 5'8" and weighed between 200-250 pounds! that's a grown ass man, dog! plus his momma was shouting at the kid saying that the cops were going to zap him if he didn't stop resisting. turns out he was refusing to go to school and the cops came by to arrest him and basically light a fire under his ass so he doesn't end up a huge bum. i am hardly outraged by this use of a taser. the kid was clearly a substantial threat to the officers and they did what they thought they had to in the spur of the moment. i'm no pig-lover, but c'man, the kid is fine..

RE: the UMCP president not announcing the pursuit of a threatening student until the next day--

if the kid knew cops were after him, he may have fled or even decided to escalate the situation in a last ditch effort. by not announcing to the public that a potentially murderous maniac was on the loose, they increased their chances of catching him before any damage was done to himself or others. duh.

RE: the dude who stole the SUV in Virginia with the baby on board--

thanks for leaving it a mile down the road. the baby was probably crying it's freakin head off and you decided it wasn't worth it. take that as a lesson, you young adults thinking about child rearing: babies are so loud and annoying that you would give up a free SUV to get away from one.

RE: the tallest man alive is being recognized by the guiness book of world records in Turkey--

another thanks. thanks for being the tallest man alive and making me feel short. 8'3" is fucking insane. also, i'm sorry about all the ducking. the world wasn't meant for men like you and me.

-------

half the day is gone now. my blogging gave way to actual work. i might try to do this on a daily basis--we'll see how that goes! hopefully you were somewhat entertained/turned-on by my ranting.

Stedman Weatherby.

Why I Will Never Shop at Guitar Center Ever Again

As if you needed another reason to never step into another Guitar Center, right?  Well, if you do need one, here it is.  (I'm sure the VPs over at Guitar Center (GC) are shivering in their boots right now, thinking uh-oh, another Abe Lincoln look-a-like is writing an article about how much we suck)

For a little background about what this under-the-radar story is about, here is some info you might not know:

Musical instrument manufacturer's (aka vendors) have certain requirements for their retailers that sell their products online, from shipping restrictions (limiting sales to the US to protect foreign retailers, for example) to price restrictions (MAP = Minimum Advertising Price*).  These restrictions are enforced by the manufacturer's, or in some cases by third-party companies, and if the rules are broken, then retailers are put on probation or suspended from purchasing for a certain period of time.  Each manufacturer is different--some allow international sales, some don't.  Some are very strict in enforcing their MAP policy, some are lax.

So here's a typical scenario:  Company A advertises Product X for MAP on their website.  Company B has the same product, but cuts their price to be competitive.  Company A sees Product X for $50 less on Company B's website, so they lower their price to $50 below that.  This process repeats until Company A has Product X for sale at a price that is barely more than what they had to pay for it.  Company A sells the product and ends up breaking even (or possibly even losing money) on the sale.  Once Company B sees that the product is out of stock elsewhere, they can jack their price back up towards MAP and make more money.  This is the way the industry has worked for the last few years.  Often times, manufacturer's do not have the time or manpower to keep an eye on every single independent music dealer on the World Wide Web and this sort of competition, while technically shunned, is allowed to take place.

A good reason for enforcing MAP is so that this does not happen.  Theoretically, NO company should have the product advertised online for less that MAP (to the penny).  That means people would be forced to choose where to buy the product based on things like feedback ratings, customer service, and other promotions (bundling deals, free goodies, etc).  A misconception of this policy might be this: "But what about sales?  Companies put things on sale all the time--manufacturer's must allow that."  This is 100% untrue, and a good place to start digging in to the main point of this article.

If Company A runs a sale on Product X and puts the price below MAP in an advertisement or online listing, the manufacturer has every right to call out Company A and give them the ultimatum that they either end the sale or be suspended for a certain time.  That means that the manufacturer will not ship new products to Company A.

"But what about Guitar Center?  They run sales all the time!"

Exactly.  This is where the debate is.  If GC can put things on sale, then Indie retailers should be able to match or beat their prices.  Right?  Wrong.  Read this article from MMR Magazine and download the letter (PDF) that a GC VP sent out to all their vendors:

On Dec. 16, Guitar Center sent a letter to vendors indicating that it may begin advertising products below minimum advertised price (MAP) policies.


The letter, signed by John Bagan, the company’s executive vice president and general manager, merchandising and supply chain, outlined that when MAP is “inconsistent with actual market pricing,” GC becomes uncompetitive and wastes resources. The letter declared that Guitar Center will take, “whatever actions it deems appropriate to maintain its competitiveness in the marketplace and to achieve a fair return on its substantial investments in its vendors and products. These actions may include competing with and matching the lowest prevailing advertised price in the market, seeking vendor chargebacks or other concessions to restore [GC's] expected return on investment, canceling purchase orders, terminating some or all product lines of a vendor, or taking any other action it deems appropriate.”


GC will enforce the policy at its sole discretion.

Link to letter

As someone who has purchased musical instruments from mom-and-pop shops, online retailers, and big box stores like Guitar Center, I find the news of GC's letter very disturbing.  This means that GC is using their clout to, as they would have it told, even out the competition and make things "fair."  Which is commendable.  I'm sure it would make life easier for smaller independent retailers if everyone actually did have the same price on all their products.  Then they could promote their excellent customer service or some other facet of their business that puts them a cut above everyone else.

The reality is, GC is doing this because they can.  They control a huge chunk of the market and therefore think they have vendors by the balls.  Once the vendors crack down on Indie retailers (which, don't kid yourself, they are definitely doing because of this letter), GC will be able to keep their pricing and profit margins right where they are.  And oh yeah, they can put on sales whenever they want to and undercut Indie retailers because they actually do have the vendors by the balls.

The real problem here is the manufacturers.  If they really enforced MAP policy and didn't allow any distributors (GC or your Grandpa's Guitar Shanty) to advertise below MAP, then there wouldn't have been a huge decline in prices all over the internet.  Then we wouldn't be where we are today, stuck in the middle of a battle between Goliath and thousands of little Davids.

We've had a taste of the low, low prices that companies have been offering on gear for the last few years, and we don't want prices to go back up.  Some people (like me) also don't want to walk into Guitar Center and talk to some know-it-all 18 year old douche from a shitty metal band no matter what the price is.  I also don't want to buy a guitar online from GC when I know that they aren't going to inspect it or do any QC beyond what the manufacturer has done.  I would rather give my business to someone local, or smaller, that I know will provide better service and take care of me consistently.  I'm not saying everyone that works at GC is a piece of shit, in fact I have friends that work there who I am very close with, but because of the turnover in employees there, you can never be sure who you're going to talk to the next time you call/walk in.

So I'll end by saying this: wherever you want to shop is your choice.  Many of you reading this may have had great experiences at Guitar Center, or Mars, or Musician's Friend.  I've bought things from big box stores online when they weren't available and had a good experience overall.  I just think that trying to blatantly horde business and control manufacturer's policies is a pretty huge conflict of interest.  Wouldn't it be interesting to see what would happen if the manufacturer's told GC to fuck off?  You wouldn't see many products on their shelves then.  It would allow some Indie retailer with great business practices and customer service to rise to the top.. only to become the entity they despise.

*Let's not confuse MAP with MSRP (Manufacturer's Suggested Retail Price), which is basically an exorbitantly high number that the manufacturer's come up with so that their MAP prices look more attractive to consumers.